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Sunflowers

Wedding

Choice, Decision, and Overcoming Paralysis

Choice becomes decision, and one yes unites a hundred no's in their derision: "You were wrong! We were better all along!"

Take heart, take heart
Have confidence
Now there's only one road
The one you chose

Thinking, weighing, processing, debating; clever words for worry. Confess your fears and move on, because you weren't wrong.

Take heart, take heart
Have confidence
The many twists and turns
Are of no concern

But such great consequence, everything's at stake. It's not just you your decision makes or breaks.

Take heart, take heart
Have confidence
When mountains loom so tall
You're free to feel small

And you'll make your choice, and you'll have good dreams again, and you'll wake up smiling.   And the same voice that loves to see your confidence will bend each road back through providence.

Devil's Lake

Jerry-rigged

I don't even

Uncomfortable

I recently found myself climbing a rock face called "Cleopatra's Needle."  It wasn't a particularly high climb as far as Devil's Lake goes, but unlike most, the rock wasn't a part of a cliff jutting out from the elevated hills around the lake.  It was a tower of massive rocks that peaked in a flat boulder the width of a bathmat.  The goal was to not only reach the top, but stand on it, which meant climbing above the anchor and letting go of anything to hold onto.

The thought of this made me uncomfortable.  In fact, the mere thought was enough to increase my heart rate, weaken my legs, and make me decide beforehand I would not be able to stand on top.  It didn't matter that I had overcome my fear of heights before, because all I could remember were the times I hadn't.  I wasn't going to climb past the anchor.  I wasn't standing on that rock.  No way.

But I still desired it.  Deep down, I knew it would be the right thing to do.  Not that rock climbing is a particularly moral endeavor, but I knew in some way it would be good for me beyond a recreational level.  I started climbing, not expecting to pass the anchor, but at least get to it and pretend like I tried.  When I got there, however, I did pass it.  I put my arms on top.  I lifted my legs.  I planted my feet.  I unbent my knees, ever so slowly.  I enjoyed an awe-inspiring view in spite of my nausea.  And I reinforced whatever courage I possess.

Thinking about the experience later, I realized how important it is to be uncomfortable.  To be willing to put myself on the edge of safety, and then step over the line.  That attitude needs to be reinforced.  Sometimes, this means jumping into a cold swimming pool without hesitation.  Others, it means praying for a stranger because God told me to.  Or maybe it's something a whole lot scarier with real, lasting consequences.

I don't want to live waiting until I'm sure.  I don't want to pretend I tried when I didn't.  I want to learn how to make a complete fool out of myself so God knows I don't have any ego left to hinder obedience to the Spirit.  I want build confidence that even the most miserable failure can be redeemed, so it doesn't really matter that I have no idea what I'm getting into.  I want to live suspended in a state of uncomfortable-ness made sustainable by supernatural inner peace.  Maybe that's why I climbed the freakin' rock.

Hair Color

He's been talking a whole lot about dying his hair.

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